plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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