To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
