I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
