Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
