In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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