drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
