i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
