So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
