the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
