what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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