I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
