Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Blood and glitter go together right?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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