i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize