They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
