Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
