Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
