she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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