did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
