my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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