Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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