Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
