At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
