billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
