They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I forgot wine drunk hurts
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
