Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
