I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
