Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
