it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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