You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
