i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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