Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
