Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
