need another drink. this is the easiest way
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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