I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
