Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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