I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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