So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
