bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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