My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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