I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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