It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
