Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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