We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
