Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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