Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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