ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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