when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
