Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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