Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
