I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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