I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
