He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The ass gains better be worth it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
