I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
