of course. lets lasso hookers.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
