I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
