Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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