Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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