if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
