I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
