Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
