We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
