You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
