i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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