At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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