She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
