The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize