Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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