Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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