i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
