I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
