i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she peed on how many people?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
