just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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