My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
