dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
