I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
