You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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