is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
